Particularly Religious Coworker is on a roll lately

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
11/12/2015 at 15:37 • Filed to: Particularly Religious Coworker

My office admin, Particularly Religious Coworker, has been on a bit of a rampage. Today’s latest issues: the candy jar, and the holiday party. Dammit lady, quit being a pain in my ass.

Particularly Religious Coworker has a couple really annoying habits:

Even though she is not in charge of approving expenses, she acts like we’re not allowed to spend the company’s money on anything, even when managers like myself who have the authority to approve expenses tell her to spend the company’s money on a thing.

Coming up with overly complicated solutions to simple problems because of imaginary contingencies that are in reality very unlikely but in her mind require having a much more complicated solution to the simple problem. Whenever I tell her that we should get more information to figure out if these unlikely contingencies will occur, she runs down all the hypothetical ways that these imaginary unlikely problems will still come to pass, necessitating her overly-complicated solution.

Generally speaking, it is not PRC’s job to decide things. The only things PRC is in charge of are:

Answering the phone.

Filing things.

Submitting time sheets and expense reports.

Making coffee.

Occasional other administrative things that we managers ask her to do.

The expenses problem has manifested itself with the office candy jar. There are a couple candy jars around the office, mostly for employees and also for students who come to meet with us. She keeps the candy stash under lock and key and refills the candy jars with an ever-so-tiny amount of candy.

The other day, I went to take a piece of candy from the jar, and PRC asked me when I was going to buy some candy for the jar, because one of the other managers has been buying the candy, and apparently PRC also bought some. I said it’s ridiculous for me or anyone else to spend their own personal money on the candy for the jar, she should quit wasting her money, and add some candy to our next office supply order. “Oh, it wouldn’t be right for us to spend the company’s money on candy for ourselves. ”

I told her six different ways that I as a manager am declaring it is ok for us to put candy on our office supply order, and if anyone from corporate questions it they can come to me. She still refused to do it. She then complained behind my back to the other employees about my not having bought any candy for the jar. They all told me about this, because they’re fed up with PRC’s cheapness on this and many other things, when PRC is not in charge of the budget.

We had to get my boss who mostly works at another location to tell PRC that managers have expense approval authority and for her to quit giving her opinion on what can or can’t be bought. If someone higher up the food chain says for her to buy something, just buy it.

Now that she knows we will not be struck down by lightning from the heavens if we add candy to the next office supply order, she’s spending all this time figuring out all the possible candy options available from Office Max, and which ones are worth the best value for the dollar, and how many we should order, and how much to put in the jar vs. keep locked up in her desk.

JUST BUY SOME FUCKING CANDY AND KEEP THE JAR FILLED GODDAMMIT, LADY.

Today, the complicated solution problem manifested itself in a different way: planning the company holiday party.

We had already booked our holiday party at the same nice restaurant we used last year, in the same room. But it turned out we needed to reschedule, and on the new date, the restaurant had a smaller room that would hold “only” 45 people. We have 31 employees, many of whom are part time or live far away so won’t be attending. This room will probably be fine, but PRC seized upon one sentence the catering manager at the restaurant said in an email:

“It might be a tight fit.”

Even though she had no idea how big this room is, if there will be a bar in it, or a buffet in it, or anything else besides it having a maximum capacity of 45 people, PRC decided that she needs to investigate alternatives by asking me for suggestions for other restaurants, because I’m the office Food Guy.

I told her I don’t know off the top of my head which other restaurants have banquet rooms so she should get some more information about this 45 person room and we’d decide what to do next.

She kept insisting on all the different hypothetical ways we could end up with more than 45 people. I told her again to get some more info from the catering manager. “THIS IS THE ONE TIME OF YEAR I GET TO PLAN SOMETHING NICE AND IF THERE END UP BEING TOO MANY PEOPLE I AM GOING TO SAY IT WAS YOUR FAULT FOR THINKING THERE WOULD BE ENOUGH SPACE WHEN THERE WASN’T ENOUGH SPACE AND WE COULD HAVE COME UP WITH OTHER OPTIONS.”

Chill. The. Fuck. Out.

She actually did email the guy back with my questions, and when he replied, he said there might be a cancellation where we can get a bigger room. But PRC was all demanding for me to tell her all the nice restaurants in town as if I am a magic spirit animal guide to nice restaurants. I didn’t even have to tell her which ones had banquet rooms, because she would waste mass quantities of time taking a list of restaurants from me and finding out if each and every one of them does or does not have party rooms. Even though we already probably have a fine enough option.

I told her flat out that was a giant waste of time and that she should wait to hear back from this catering guy.

“BUT I HAVE THE TIME . I WILL INVESTIGATE. WHAT IF IT’S TOO SMALL OF A ROOM? WHAT IF EVERYONE BRINGS A +1? HE SAID IT WOULD BE A TIGHT FIT! I TRUST HIM THAT HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT AND IF IT’S GOING TO BE A TIGHT FIT THEN I DON’T WANT US TO HAVE A TIGHT FIT.”

The only solution I had was to refuse to tell her the names of any restaurants. I said if she wants to waste that much time then she can google for restaurants with banquet rooms herself, but I wasn’t going to waste any more time on this nonsense than had already been wasted.

I’m sure PRC is pissed at me because I wouldn’t provide the jumping off point for her idiotic quest for alternate holiday party venues when we already have a likely-fine one booked. But I don’t care.

Just make sure the candy jar is filled. Don’t be stingy.

DISCUSSION (34)

64Mali > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 15:41

I will ask, how is she still employed?

Future next gen S2000 owner > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 15:44

PRC needs to get fired.

$kaycog > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 15:46

She sounds like a real pain in the ass.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 15:46

Just switch to Weird Al’s coffe in the office, and the problem will take care of itself.

Kinja'd!!!

FKA-RacecaR > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 15:46

I love reading these.

And she said it herself, she “has time”. Give her more to do, or cut her to part time. That will fix a lot of your issues.

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 15:48

Yeah. In my experience and pretty much anyone else with an Admin, they take their jobs waaaaaay to seriously. You just want to pull them aside every once and till them to chill the fuck out.

That said, always befriend the admins. They can make your life a lot easier if they like you or absolute hell if they dont.

MuchWagon > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 15:48

Give her something meaningful to do that she can be in charge of. Like her or not she is dying for some responsibility and authority over something, which is an understandable thing for a workplace. So she is seizing into things she think she can actually have a part in, and in her mind she is helping. Delete the annoying personality stuff from the equation and that’s what I see.

Textured Soy Protein > MuchWagon
11/12/2015 at 15:53

I do get that part of it. We as managers try to give her other things to do that will make her feel like she’s contributing. Like the holiday party. But then she takes them and runs with them and we end up regretting having given her the task in the first place.

Often there’s some little thing we want to do that would be nice for the employees like organize a day where there’s food catered in for lunch, or everyone gets to order something from the company swag catalog, but we end up deciding not to do it because PRC is going to make it more complicated and frustrating than it’s worth.

Textured Soy Protein > FKA-RacecaR
11/12/2015 at 15:54

We need someone around during our normal business hours to answer the phones. We also try to give her things to do but instead of doing them in the way we ask them to be done, she gets her own ideas that end up making more work for us than if we just did the thing ourselves.

Textured Soy Protein > Biggus Dickus (RevsBro)
11/12/2015 at 15:55

I try to be super nice to her and at different points in my tenure here I’ve had varying levels of rapport with her. Just the past month or so she’s been on a real tear with going overboard like this.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 15:57

I hate miserable people like this who feel are a constant obstruction because their lives haven’t worked out the way they wanted them too and feel the need to create chaos in order to gain attention.

Why hasn’t she been fired yet?

Ike > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:00

I don’t know the age difference between you and PRC, but this seems to be a method of going through life that ends up with some one (who I assume is) younger then you being in charge of you.

Do what the person i charge of you wants, and for sure don't be a pain in the ass

450X_FTW > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:03

TLDR

Whenever she questions something or says it shouldn’t be done a certain way, tell her “it’s how Jesus would want it done”

Short-throw Granny Shifter is 2 #blessed 2b stressed > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:04

Love these. Your office sound like an episode if The Office.

Trevor Slattery, ACTOR > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:12

Man...she hasn’t done something you can fire her for YET? Christ...

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > 450X_FTW
11/12/2015 at 16:14

Kinja'd!!!

Trevor Slattery, ACTOR > 64Mali
11/12/2015 at 16:14

I am saying. This has been going on for SO LONG.

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:15

There is one that absolutely hates me for “not following protocol.” Essentially, we are supposed to reserve conference rooms before using them. So whenever I have an impromptu meeting that wont fit in my office, I just grab the first open conference room I can find. She has “caught” me doing this multiple times while chewing me out in the process. I just gave her the classic boiler plate “i’ll make sure i reserve it next time” until I got fed up and started telling her to chill out.

Eventually, she got so pissed she decided to go a level above me. I saw her whole rant go down while my boss was trying to not roll his eyes and hold his laughter in. He basically told her she is trying to fight well above her pay grade.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:28

I love reading these. They make me feel a little bit better about the shitheads I have to deal with.

TractorPillow > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:29

In Jim Collins’ wise words, get the right people on the bus. Get rid of her. Just kidding really, sounds like she needs to just have a very hard to hear, honest performance counseling - which is very hard to do.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:31

Is she the type of person who would come in with a Starbucks cup with “merry Christmas” on it? Either way she sounds like an awful person to have to deal with on a daily basis

d15b > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:32

Buy office plants. Have her maintain and water said office plants. Problem solved.

#ThanksD15B!

Spaceball-Two > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 16:34

I love these stories. I’m glad I’m not alone in my thought process when dealing with people like this.

wiffleballtony > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 17:06

She seems like a tight fit.

crowmolly > 64Mali
11/12/2015 at 17:12

She appears to be wasting a lot of company time on back and forth bullshit. That equates to time via paycheck. Same thing with spending too much time figuring out what candy to buy.

Couple that with, well, insubordination (not listening to a manager even on such a trivial task) and that’s a trip to HR in any company I’ve worked for.

Textured Soy Protein > d15b
11/12/2015 at 17:42

We have office plants that are tended to and watered by an office plant watering company which is mostly this lady with a crazy look in her eye whose husband drives her around to water office plants.

Textured Soy Protein > Ike
11/12/2015 at 17:43

She’s like twice my age. (I’m 33.)

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > Textured Soy Protein
11/12/2015 at 19:13

I’m sorry but this is golden. She needs to keep being weird and you need to keep writing about it.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Textured Soy Protein
11/13/2015 at 09:17

It’s probably best not to fire that lady...

X37.9XXS > Textured Soy Protein
11/13/2015 at 11:05

Does she report to you?

If so, call her into the your office, and show her the door.

Everyplace I ever worked in civilian life was REALLY harsh on insubordination.

If not. Document, document, document. Have a meeting with her manager, and have something done. She is creating a toxic workspace

Tohru > Textured Soy Protein
11/18/2015 at 20:33

Have you considered wrapping her in a tarp and heavy chains and dumping her in Lake Monona?

Textured Soy Protein > Tohru
11/18/2015 at 20:37

Since I wrote this post, she actually ended up booking the holiday party at the original place with the original room we wanted because they had a cancellation.

Also she’s finally getting around to ordering the damn candy from Office Max, after a bunch of worrying about how much money she’s spending on candy, but I reassured her that another campus in our district buys a shitload of candy and they don’t get hassled about it by HQ.

Tohru > Textured Soy Protein
11/18/2015 at 20:50

How difficult would it be to get her fired for insubordination?

LugNutz > Textured Soy Protein
11/22/2015 at 13:56

Sounds like a government job. You always have that one pain in the ass that needs to check everything, because it’s taxpayer money. Well, last time I checked I’m also a taxpayer.